i did everything my mother wouldn't do...

josiah randomly sprang a new assignment on us wednesday around lunchtime. for all of you who don't know who josiah is, which is everyone, because i haven't mentioned him yet, he is our school leader.

we didn't have a speaker this week, they never could find anyone who schedule worked out or didn't have other conflicts. so we've had staff members sharing stories of their own outreaches and other things God has done through YWAM. wednesday we had a girl share about how they came back from peru early and in debt and still had 2 or 3 weeks left in their outreach. they decided to just pull all the money they had, pray about where God wanted them to go and go. 

so josiah told us after this story that we were going to do something similar. they put us into groups of 4 and 5 with at least one german speaker and one guy. each of us was given a euro and encouraged to leave all our money at home. they wanted us to go bless others... whatever that meant was up to us. here's the deal, my first thought was 'Lord, please put me in a group with people i know!' yea, that didn't happen. i had never met any of my group except my leader. my group was Nancy, Menna, Stefan, and Brianna.

we immediately went outside and began to pray for direction and for each other. i can't even lie, i was freaking out on the inside. ONE EURO! you can't do anything with one, absolutely nothing. or that's what i thought on wednesday afternoon. this is the story of how much God can do with an obedient heart that is willing to go and do without doubt. as soon as josiah mentioned doing this, berlin was on my heart. the whole time we were praying it was always berlin. it's like God was screaming at me. 

[this was a totally new experience for me... i have never in my life felt like God was speaking to me so clearly and so directly.] 

my team prayed for comfort and confidence for me. Menna told me while we were praying that God wanted her to tell me that he is proud of me and loves me more than i'll ever be able to understand. obviously, i haven't ever mentioned that this is something i have been struggling with, shame about past sin and whether or not i'm on the right page. Menna telling me this totally broke down all my walls and i was able to put all my worry and control issues aside and do what God was directing me to do. i explained to me group that i've never been spoken to so directly and that i really felt God putting berlin on my heart. you should have seen their faces. Stefan apparently hates berlin, had the most hilarious look on his face. Nancy was so supportive and felt that she might be on the same page, but was going to pray about it. we ate lunch, gathered our things, met at Nancy's apartment and set out. we prayed and felt we should begin walking to Lobau with the possibility of hitchhiking, but we mainly decided to see what happened.

[Lobau is the closest train station]

our original intention was to sing on the street for money for a train ticket. however, it was a different story once we got there. we walked. and walked. and walked. its like about 10-11km between the two. it doesn't seem all that long, but hauling a backpack in the wind and in the grass, it seems like an eternity. we came to a bus stop and there happened to be a bus stop... Nancy spoke with the driver and he allowed us to get on without a ticket, but we would have to pay the fine if we got caught. it took us the last part of the walk to the edge of town. when we got off we were all hungry.. it was around 6:20 and we had left herrhut around 3:30-4:00. we debated on whether to go to a bakery before or after we went to the train station. i suggested we just start walking and if we see a bakery, stop and ask. incidentally we were right by an Aldi (the supermarket). Stefan, Nancy, and Brianna went in to ask if they had any extra bread for us to eat. Menna and i stayed with the bags.. the other three took the guitar to play for people in return for bread. as soon as i heard them singing, my heart was filled with joy. they brought back 5 buns. i've never been so happy for bread in my life. it was not coincidental that the bakery closes at 6:30 - we were right on time. we prayed and thanked God for blessing us with food. we continued to walk to the station, where we ran into 2 other groups on the way and then 2 groups at the station. we sang with them for a little while, but it was starting to get dark so me and Nancy began to look for a place we could sleep. we found a great place, and i use the word great loosely. it was under a huge tree that had limbs that came all the way to the ground creating a huge dome in the center to sleep under. i should probably point out that these trees were in the median of two roads... or four depending on how you look at it. the road kind of went a round the whole thing. so no matter what, you have to cross the road to get there. at some point we were joined by several other groups. there were so many people. it was dark around 8:30 so i went to bed early. 

[side note: over the course of this trip i began to call nancy, Mother Nancy. she's absolutely selfless, this girl is. she got one hour of sleep the first night because she was staying up keeping watch and she gave her sleeping bag to Menna, who didn't have one. she's wonderful.]

around 1:00 am the police came to our camp and asked to see everyone's passport. nancy came and got mine so i didn't have to get out in the cold. the next morning i thought to myself how silly that was... the  one thing my parents told me, KEEP YOUR PASSPORT! she brought it back as soon as the police were done with it though. this night was possibly the coldest night of my life thus far. i woke up around 3 shivering. every time i woke up i would just pray it was morning so the night would be over. other than that, i slept very well. when morning did finally come, we all agreed that it was best for us to separate ourselves from the big group. one of the other groups got warm buns for breakfast for everyone. they were absolutely LOVELY. lovely, i tell ya. we left the train station and prayed about where to go from there. it's interesting because i feel like in normal circumstances i would have been freaking out, but God had really given me a peace about the situation and i never really felt like things weren't in control. Nancy believed that we were going to take a van to berlin and not the train. apparently she believed that it was going to be a white van with a berlin license plate. i didn't really get any word from our prayer time. Brianna got the picture of an Orange (the fruit). Stefan thought we should move in the direction to berlin, not necessarily go all the way there. 

we walked two blocks and saw a van. a white van. a white van with berlin plates. this all happened while singing 'our God is an awesome God' i loved this because it reminded me of my mom when we would sing that in the car when i was little. i'm almost positive that is one of the first songs i learned. i distinctly remember singing with mom in the white surburban. great memories. moving on...

we waved at the guy driving the van and followed him into a construction site. Nancy, bold Nancy just started talking to the man. the conversation was in German, so i can't tell you exactly what was said, but it ended with the agreement that the man would drive us as soon as he finished his work around lunch. we decided to take it easy and rest while we were waiting. we found a random grassy patch and hung out. then the greatest thing happened. Menna was going to the bathroom in some bushes she found 10 euro. it was madness. we all believed that there was a specific purpose for this money so we agreed not to spend it. the guy called around lunch and we met him so he could drive us....

this is where i leave you today. stay tuned for the next part of the story. this is about the first 24 hours. 

God has taught me so much in the past 4 days. i slept under a tree. i hitch hiked. this is absolutely crazy. i also learned that through blessing others, God blesses you even more. God is great. God is a provider. God is love.

someday, we can have a cup of coffee, and hopefully i can fully explain all the things that don't translate to writing on this blog, all the things that i can't express in black and white. wow. God is good.

love you all so much.