This is how I walk home everyday. God is good!

I can't wait to share what we did today!! Get ready because it's coming soon.

Love and miss you all.
Be blessed.

WAHOOO!

i got four, count them: 1-2-3-4, letters today!
it totally made my day.


....and i cried when i read the one from my mom.
i miss home and i love it here all at the same time!

numero tres

so the brandonburg gate....

read part 1 and part 2 first, before this, if you haven't already.

i apologize for how long this is taking me to finish, there is just so much to tell and so little time to actually sit down and type it all out.

we played at the brandonburg gate with a give and take box. instead of just a box to give us money, we had a sign to tell everyone that you could take money if you want to. you should have see all the looks we got from people. it was crazy. we played to guitar and worshipped amidst all the people there and it was a completely new experience. we talked to several ladies who were asking for money and searching the trash for recyclables. there were both so grateful and couldn't understand why were doing this.

after about a little bit, nancy felt like she wanted to go to the grocery store to get food so we could eat with people in the park. so me, her, and menna all went to go get things while the other two stayed and played and sang. we ended up getting about 20 buns, some sausages, capri sun, and cakes. (side note: the have capri sun here!! it reminds me of elementary!) we went and got the other two and decided to move to alexsanderplatz.

alexsanderplatz was a such a dark place. immediately when we got there we were all overcome with tiredness. we had also packed lunch at Jesus Haus, so we decided to sit and eat. i was praying the whole time seeing if i felt led to talk to any specific person or group. at one point the was a group called Krishna came dancing through, playing really weird music. it gave me such a bad feeling and it was even crazier to see all the young kids and teen go dance with them. after resting for a bit, we started moving towards a nearby park and the base of that big thing that looks kinda like the space needle. i'm not sure what it is called, but i posted a picture of it. while on our way, we passed by same sadists, wearing all black and just all around gross. the whole time i was just praying to be a light, where there is light there can be no dark... that was something we had talked about earlier in the week.

we moved through the crowd and into the park where we met two girls and a guy. this is where the story gets a bit shaky. since i can't speak german, i have know idea what was actually said in the conversations nancy and stefan had with any of the people we talked to. the girl's name was joann. she spoke english, so i tried to talk to her a little bit. apparently, while her real name is joann, at parties, she said people call her luna. she seemed like such a wonderful girl, but you could see in her eyes she was completely empty and sad. i wanted so much to just shake her and make her realize there were good people in the world, and a God that loves her more than she could ever imagine. unfortunately, i never got a chance because one of the guys she was with was having a hard time. throughout the course of our conversation, he broke up with his girlfriend (i think), she slapped him right in front of us, nancy was going to pray for him, but was interrupted by a phone call he got that caused him to throw a temper tantrum and punch a tree. so all three of them left.

all that took place over almost an hour. it was completely dark, and we didn't really know where we should go next. we started walking and after another 30 minutes to an hour we had pretty much decided we should just leave. we were all cold and tired and somewhat discouraged. there was definitely a sense of incompleteness (i know this isn't a word, but you get the drift.). we felt like we weren't done with what we came to do, but we didn't know exactly what we came for either. we started back through alexsanderplatz, giving people some food occasionally. nancy talked to a drug addict and gave him food. i've thought about him several times and wonder if he even remembers us giving him food and a drink. we started into the train station and immediately saw two girls and a guy sitting on the floor. they all looked pretty young, so nancy asked if they wanted any food. of course, like all teenager they did! again, this situation is sketchy for me because i don't speak german. while we were talking to the three of them two more girls walked up. one of the girls that was already sitting there was holding her forearm. they also had pet rats, two of them. i assumed that the rat had scratched her because i could see some blood. when the other girls sat down, i realized what was happening. they were cutters. they intentionally cut themselves, for whatever reason... stress relief, control issues, etc. however, they didn't just cut for those reasons. they didn't think tattoos were permanent enough, so they wanted to render certain things into their skin. one girl was cutting 'i want to be perfect' into her arm, WHILE we were sitting there.

i'm sure, if you know me very well, what my reaction was to all of this. the rats and the blood was almost more than i could stand. at one point she laid down the blade, on the ground, to wipe up the blood with a rag that, judging by the amount of blood, she'd been using for quite a while, and then picked up razor off the ground and continued cutting. i just wanted to scream, "STOP!!" it was so gross! don't even get me started on the rats!

nancy spoke to them, and told them of our story. at one point we had to move because they couldn't smoke in the station. they were all very intrigued by our story and why were in berlin. we ended up praying over them. the youngest, she was 12, was actually already a christian. stefan gave them a bible and we gave each of them some money. all four girls were so blessed and touch by us, they began to cry. when we prayed, all of us prayed for the exact same thing... that they could see how beautiful they really were and for them to know that God thought that they were perfect in his eyes. after this we played a song for them. while we did this, we drew the attention of another group of guys.

they were obviously drunk, possibly high. (side note: its interesting how many people I've seen rolling joints on the streets. I dont know if I'll ever get used to it either.) nancy ended praying for one of them, and he seemed completely changed. he even decided not to go party with his friends. his friends were completely pissed about that too.

in both cases, with the girls and the guys, they were so grateful they shook our hands, which is not customary to do with people who aren't your close acquaintances. i was so blessed by all of them! because of all this happening, we ended up not getting back to the church until 2 in the morning.

we woke up the next morning and rushed off to catch the earliest train home. it took quite a while, but we were delayed so we ended up having a long time in dresden. we walked out of the station to go get some food and who did we see? two other groups who were trying to get money to come home as well. they had some wonderful bread they shared with us and we were able to bless them with money for a train ticket.

and so we came home. and we had a hot shower (my hair was so gross. at one point i leaned on the window of the train and left a grease spot), a wonderful dinner complete with ice cream, and shared stories!

i hope that this story was able to bless you in some small way. i cannot express how much my life has been changed because of this wonderful, crazy, ridiculous journey. i wouldn't change it for the world.

have a wonderful day.
more stories to come.

just a normal friday friday afternoon...

...sitting on the rocks with some geese, turkey, and hens. this is more backwoods than san angelo. 

have a happy friday y'all!

part two.

so i believe i left off with the man that agreed to drive us to berlin. he couldn’t take us until after lunch time because he had some work to finish up. nancy explained that we only had five euro but he said he didn’t want our money. while we were waiting for him to take us we found a place to rest in the grass and just reflect and praise God for his provision. Menna needed to use the bathroom at one point so her and nancy found a bush to use. while menna was going she saw a piece a paper and asked nancy what it was... it was 10 euro. i’m not kidding. it was completely insane. they brought it back and we were all so excited. it was interesting because we all had the same feeling that this money was for something specific. God had a purpose for it and it wasn’t food. so we put it away and continued just resting and praying. nancy made some calls to the ymca to see if we could stay there in berlin. they unfortunately, or fortunately as we later learned, turned us down as well as one other place. stefan realized he had a contact and called him. it was actually a church called the jesus haus. the pastor wasn’t sure if we could sleep there because the church is in an office building but he was very eager to help us and try to arrange something for us. stefan knew the pastor because he ahd done some work on their website earlier in the year. the man called to take us, so we promptly met him at his business and loaded our stuff and soon we were on our way to berlin.

i just remember going through so many emotions while we were in the car. i can’t speak german (obviously) so i had NO idea what was being said and that just really frustrates me. i was hungry -- my stomach was actually hurting at one point. about 5 minutes after it started hurting the man offered us some donuts he had. it was the best donut i’ve ever had in my life! seriously. i went through a period where i felt like we were being trafficked and got a little freaked out. i was happy. it was absolutely crazy. nancy knew this was going to happen, she knew we were going to take a van. these kind of things have never happened in my life up until this point.

the man drove us all the way to the main train station in berlin. while we were in the car, the pastor at jesus haus called and said we could stay at the church and he would get us some food to eat that evening. we got to the station and checked the price of the ticket -- 15 euro. we had exactly enough. wow God, i still just can’t believe all this, even now. it was really hard to give up my euro though, i’ve never actually been completely broke without any way of getting money. this was a first for me. we bought the ticket, took a train and two busses and arrived at the jesus haus. as soon as we got there, jorg -- the pastor, and nancy went to get some food at the market. they came back with so much food. enough for dinner thursday, breakfast, lunch and dinner friday, and breakfast and lunch saturday! it was such a good meal... sandwiches, chips, chocolate, curry wurst (very interesting but good mystery dinner), veggies, and much more. over dinner we shared stories and worshipped and prayed with jorg. after jorg left around 9 we went straight to bed.

we woke up to breakfast, and we were warm and safe, and it was a wonderful feeling. there was even coffee. oooh coffee, it was lovely. after breakfast we all had a quiet time and decided to come together for worship and prayer to see where God was leading us for the day. before we started this stefan announced he had something he needed to tell us. he told us that jorg had talked to him the night before and given him an honorary contract for the work he’d done earlier in the year (to be honest, i have no idea what exactly that mean, but i know it’s important) and 300 euro. THREE HUNDRED EURO! we now had money to bless so many people with and i have to admit, my first thought was train fare!! stefan told us that he felt the money was for us to use and had no intention of using it for himself. i’m beginning to realize how hard it would be for me to give that money up if i was in his position. we prayed and felt a specific calling to the center of the city, blessing the homeless and the hungry, maybe teenagers. we decided it would be best to start at the brandonburg gate (i posted a picture earlier).

i that is where i leave you. stay tuned. get ready for some thoughts on our new lecture by Andy Bird, from Kona, HI!

God is love. God is great. be blessed.

YAY!!

Blogger has an iPhone app. Let the instagram spam begin!! I only shot film on the Berlin trip... So here's some cell pics:

skyping with the fam (2nd edition)

so they always make funny faces at me...

especially when i'm talking to the roomies and not them.

the fam.

all of them [minus raelye - she was sick]

seeing the girls made me cry... i'm not even gonna lie. 

i miss them sooo much.

g'night all!

part 2 of the story coming in the next two days.

i did everything my mother wouldn't do...

josiah randomly sprang a new assignment on us wednesday around lunchtime. for all of you who don't know who josiah is, which is everyone, because i haven't mentioned him yet, he is our school leader.

we didn't have a speaker this week, they never could find anyone who schedule worked out or didn't have other conflicts. so we've had staff members sharing stories of their own outreaches and other things God has done through YWAM. wednesday we had a girl share about how they came back from peru early and in debt and still had 2 or 3 weeks left in their outreach. they decided to just pull all the money they had, pray about where God wanted them to go and go. 

so josiah told us after this story that we were going to do something similar. they put us into groups of 4 and 5 with at least one german speaker and one guy. each of us was given a euro and encouraged to leave all our money at home. they wanted us to go bless others... whatever that meant was up to us. here's the deal, my first thought was 'Lord, please put me in a group with people i know!' yea, that didn't happen. i had never met any of my group except my leader. my group was Nancy, Menna, Stefan, and Brianna.

we immediately went outside and began to pray for direction and for each other. i can't even lie, i was freaking out on the inside. ONE EURO! you can't do anything with one, absolutely nothing. or that's what i thought on wednesday afternoon. this is the story of how much God can do with an obedient heart that is willing to go and do without doubt. as soon as josiah mentioned doing this, berlin was on my heart. the whole time we were praying it was always berlin. it's like God was screaming at me. 

[this was a totally new experience for me... i have never in my life felt like God was speaking to me so clearly and so directly.] 

my team prayed for comfort and confidence for me. Menna told me while we were praying that God wanted her to tell me that he is proud of me and loves me more than i'll ever be able to understand. obviously, i haven't ever mentioned that this is something i have been struggling with, shame about past sin and whether or not i'm on the right page. Menna telling me this totally broke down all my walls and i was able to put all my worry and control issues aside and do what God was directing me to do. i explained to me group that i've never been spoken to so directly and that i really felt God putting berlin on my heart. you should have seen their faces. Stefan apparently hates berlin, had the most hilarious look on his face. Nancy was so supportive and felt that she might be on the same page, but was going to pray about it. we ate lunch, gathered our things, met at Nancy's apartment and set out. we prayed and felt we should begin walking to Lobau with the possibility of hitchhiking, but we mainly decided to see what happened.

[Lobau is the closest train station]

our original intention was to sing on the street for money for a train ticket. however, it was a different story once we got there. we walked. and walked. and walked. its like about 10-11km between the two. it doesn't seem all that long, but hauling a backpack in the wind and in the grass, it seems like an eternity. we came to a bus stop and there happened to be a bus stop... Nancy spoke with the driver and he allowed us to get on without a ticket, but we would have to pay the fine if we got caught. it took us the last part of the walk to the edge of town. when we got off we were all hungry.. it was around 6:20 and we had left herrhut around 3:30-4:00. we debated on whether to go to a bakery before or after we went to the train station. i suggested we just start walking and if we see a bakery, stop and ask. incidentally we were right by an Aldi (the supermarket). Stefan, Nancy, and Brianna went in to ask if they had any extra bread for us to eat. Menna and i stayed with the bags.. the other three took the guitar to play for people in return for bread. as soon as i heard them singing, my heart was filled with joy. they brought back 5 buns. i've never been so happy for bread in my life. it was not coincidental that the bakery closes at 6:30 - we were right on time. we prayed and thanked God for blessing us with food. we continued to walk to the station, where we ran into 2 other groups on the way and then 2 groups at the station. we sang with them for a little while, but it was starting to get dark so me and Nancy began to look for a place we could sleep. we found a great place, and i use the word great loosely. it was under a huge tree that had limbs that came all the way to the ground creating a huge dome in the center to sleep under. i should probably point out that these trees were in the median of two roads... or four depending on how you look at it. the road kind of went a round the whole thing. so no matter what, you have to cross the road to get there. at some point we were joined by several other groups. there were so many people. it was dark around 8:30 so i went to bed early. 

[side note: over the course of this trip i began to call nancy, Mother Nancy. she's absolutely selfless, this girl is. she got one hour of sleep the first night because she was staying up keeping watch and she gave her sleeping bag to Menna, who didn't have one. she's wonderful.]

around 1:00 am the police came to our camp and asked to see everyone's passport. nancy came and got mine so i didn't have to get out in the cold. the next morning i thought to myself how silly that was... the  one thing my parents told me, KEEP YOUR PASSPORT! she brought it back as soon as the police were done with it though. this night was possibly the coldest night of my life thus far. i woke up around 3 shivering. every time i woke up i would just pray it was morning so the night would be over. other than that, i slept very well. when morning did finally come, we all agreed that it was best for us to separate ourselves from the big group. one of the other groups got warm buns for breakfast for everyone. they were absolutely LOVELY. lovely, i tell ya. we left the train station and prayed about where to go from there. it's interesting because i feel like in normal circumstances i would have been freaking out, but God had really given me a peace about the situation and i never really felt like things weren't in control. Nancy believed that we were going to take a van to berlin and not the train. apparently she believed that it was going to be a white van with a berlin license plate. i didn't really get any word from our prayer time. Brianna got the picture of an Orange (the fruit). Stefan thought we should move in the direction to berlin, not necessarily go all the way there. 

we walked two blocks and saw a van. a white van. a white van with berlin plates. this all happened while singing 'our God is an awesome God' i loved this because it reminded me of my mom when we would sing that in the car when i was little. i'm almost positive that is one of the first songs i learned. i distinctly remember singing with mom in the white surburban. great memories. moving on...

we waved at the guy driving the van and followed him into a construction site. Nancy, bold Nancy just started talking to the man. the conversation was in German, so i can't tell you exactly what was said, but it ended with the agreement that the man would drive us as soon as he finished his work around lunch. we decided to take it easy and rest while we were waiting. we found a random grassy patch and hung out. then the greatest thing happened. Menna was going to the bathroom in some bushes she found 10 euro. it was madness. we all believed that there was a specific purpose for this money so we agreed not to spend it. the guy called around lunch and we met him so he could drive us....

this is where i leave you today. stay tuned for the next part of the story. this is about the first 24 hours. 

God has taught me so much in the past 4 days. i slept under a tree. i hitch hiked. this is absolutely crazy. i also learned that through blessing others, God blesses you even more. God is great. God is a provider. God is love.

someday, we can have a cup of coffee, and hopefully i can fully explain all the things that don't translate to writing on this blog, all the things that i can't express in black and white. wow. God is good.

love you all so much. 

skyping with the fam.

taegan's drawing.

i didn't get one with dad, but i definitely will next time!

gobble gobble poop poop

this poor turkey.

we had a dance party saturday night (girls only) at the castle. the guys were having a 'men only' bar-b-que so we had to get back at them... you know, because guys are always sad to miss a dance party.

it was funny because we had so many rules to follow. we had to keep the windows closed while the music was on and then when we got hot we had to stop it and then open the windows. the guy leaders told us, "...and no screaming while the windows are open. we have neighbors." again, you know, because girls always scream.

so we were dancing, and being ridiculous. then opening the windows and trying to be quiet. it was so hot in the dining hall, the windows were fogging up. i'm not exactly sure when all hell broke loose, but all the sudden i see a whole bunch of guys at the door laughing, girls screaming, doors slamming, and then there was a turkey in the room. i'm sorry, no, you didn't read that wrong...

A TURKEY.

it was so scared it pooped.


and that's how our dance party ended, with a turkey.

kudos guys. excellent prank. i just wish i could have seen them trying to catch this poor thing.

a saturday afternoon

these are the roomies:

(clockwise from top left) Taylor, Terrill, Nicole, Me, and Jordan.

photobooth fun!

just a quick post.

we concluded our first week today.

as i’ve mentioned in the last post, Mike Oman has been speaking on the father heart of God. I want to bad to be able to explain and express how much God has been speaking to everyone here, but I’m just not sure how.

the whole concept of God as the Father is not new, but the way Mike explained it was totally new to me. he mentioned that our relationship with God is directly dependent on our relationships with our Earthly parents. Any issues will deal with in the Earthly world directly translates to our relationship with God. i'm going to try to write more about this soon, i'm just still trying to process everything.


one thing that really stuck out to me about Mike was that he hasn't drawn a paycheck in about 30 years. him and his wife did their first dts in ywam zimbabwe 30 years ago with two kids and have never looked back. they have since started several bases, talked all over their world, and effected many lives. he is truly an inspiration. he told us so many personal stories of God's provision, forgiveness, and love. there wasn't one session that didn't inspire, encourage, and convict me in one way or another.


that's all the brain can handle for tonight.
good night.

ps... i'm on my way to getting sick. please pray for a healing and rejuvenating weekend.

pps... please send me mail. i want mail.

watch this.

i got a wonderful opportunity to watch this tonight. it is really inspiring and eye-opening.

find it, buy/rent it, and watch it.
asap.

you won't regret it.

my day.

so here's a little preview of my days so far here at MOTA:

breakfast is at 7... i never make it, ever.
it's always the same. yogurt, with toppings like nuts and oats, and cereal equivalent to corn flakes.

then we have intercession from 8:30-9:30
we pray for refugees, the nation, and other world issues.
today we prayed for the people who aren't here, or maybe not coming that were supposed to.

9:30 is our first session.
this week, we've had Mike Oman talking about the Father Heart of God.
it has been wonderful this week, very emotional, and convicting. i will right more about this, but right now i'm just so overwhelmed by everything we've been talking about.

coffee break around 11.
there is coffee, hot tea, and fruit. this is actually my breakfast. i always have a banana and coffee.

11:30ish is session 2.
this is the same as session 1, an extension, if you will.

lunch @ 1.
this is our big meal. sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.
seriously, no lie. we've had good meals and we've had mediocre meals. usually, its pasta or soup. since it's already cold, it's always 'cold weather' food.

after lunch is work duty from 2:30-4:30
we all have different duties in and around the castle. i'm on kitchen duty. we make the preparations for the  lunch the next day. it usually involves just cutting up veggies. let me just tell you... i cut up so many tomatoes today. i was gagging the entire time. oh, and i cut myself. whoops.

4:30-6:30 we have track meetings.
we've only been to one so far, so i don't know what this will be like. i'm assuming we'll be talking about photography, but that's just a guess, mind you.

then dinner.
sandwiches every night.
there's turkey... cheese (goat, brie, and others)... weird bread... liver wurst (like spam, but worse. it's spreadable meat. meat should not be spreadable.)

then we are free for the rest of the day.

and that's that.

going on a walk...

...into town.

here are some things i saw:

this makes me think of home.

"the hills are aliiiive"

that's for momma.

it takes forever to upload pictures.

more to come soon.

love.

hello. i'm alive!!

wow. what a journey. seriously... here it goes... the ridiculous story, about how i got lost in Berlin, got to camp, slept outside in a tent, wore the same clothes for almost four days, and have been totally out of touch since i arrived.... just wait. 

this will probably be long, and too much information, but you don’t have to read it. though i strongly encourage it, it’s a wonderful story, one I will never forget.

i arrived in berlin on time around 1:45 my time (which is 7 hours ahead of your time it you are in the central time zone). we didn’t go through customs, which i thought was weird - they stamped my passport and that was it. i thought there would be more to that process. anyways - moving on... so we talked to information at the airport to find our bus to get to the train station. getting on and off the bus was an adventure in itself, or not really... just a hassle. the bus is where every problem of the day was born. we got off at the wrong stop. there was a subway station, but not the main train station. we called the base, they said we needed to find the hoftbahnhof (main train station) - i think that is how you spell it. well we deliberated for a while and decided to try to ask someone. it took us forever to find someone who knew what we wanted and could help us. we ended up taking two subways and two trains to get to Lobau (Berlin to Dresden - Dresden to Lobau) and then they picked us up and brought us to Herrhut. (side note, it is pronounced herrnhoot... it cracks me up) we hadn’t eaten all day, so we grabbed some dinner/lunch in Dresden. i was so thirsty so i bought two bottles of water, it nded up being bubbly. ew. gross. no thank you.

when we got picked up at Lobau the staff showed us our room and told us to get stuff to sleep outside. I grabbed my tennis shoes, jacket, long sleeve shirt, pillows, and sleeping bag. i missed the opening ceremony, but apparently the scenario was as follows:

we were refugees, who had to leave our home because of war. we went to a camp, which was outside the castle. there was rolled plastic, and we were divided into groups to sleep.

i slept with three other girls, it was a very interesting experience. it was cold and damp, and we were sleeping on hill so we slowly rolled off the plastic that was under and over us. fortunately jet lag was on my side, i was so tired i slept well the entire night. the next morning we were allowed in the castle for breakfast. apparently, we weren’t supposed to bring our stuff inside (i didn’t get the memo), and when we came back inside they announced we had to leave it in the castle, and make due with what we have outside. do i even need to mention how freaked out i was?!

day 2 wasn’t too crazy -- besides worrying about sleeping without a sleeping bag or pillow. we went for a looong walk through the forest and town. they even teased us saying that we could go to the store for snacks... oh hey, everything is closed on sunday. completely cruel joke. we also had to share a bowl of food at dinner with another person. ashley, the girl i traveled with was mine. let me tell you... after the crisis of getting to base and sharing food, we are pretty close. in fact, i’d say she is probably one of my best friends here. night number 2 was pretty much ridiculous. we built tents during the day, so we had shelter, but unfortunately there was a prediction of rain during the night. we stayed outside until 4:30 and they finally let us come inside the castle. there was barely any rain before we went in, but the lightening was really bad. 

all this scenario ended last night. it rained all day so they decided to call the the activity off because the weather was so bad, it would have been a health issue. 

i could not have been more relieved. throughout this experience we talked about refugees and what they have to go through to get to a camp that might not even have what they need or be able to accept them. this is very prevalent in kenya because of the problems with somalian government and civil war. our base actually has teams working at a camp in kenya that has almost a half of a million people in it. we prayed for them today and the governments.

so that was my first three days of ywam... pretty crazy huh?

i wouldn’t change a thing.