i've moved.

i won't be posting on this blog anymore.
i'm exclusively using tumblr from now on!

i'll keep updating if you keep reading!!
http://missself.tumblr.com/

:)

yes, i know.

it's been too long.

I'll be speaking about my trip at church tomorrow.
Immanuel Baptist Church
6:15ish.

Hopefully, I'll be seeing you.

hey.

hello everybody.

i'm so sorry that i've been M.I.A. recently! if you click here you can see photos from all my travels as well as all my instagram photos from everyday life. i'm trying to post a photo from china everyday! there's some really good ones!

i can't believe it's only 22 days until i fly home to the states and only 15 days until i get to see my beautiful parents.

hopefully a longer update is coming soon.

stay classy.

sick.

That moment when you realize you have been on the church wide prayer request list…

Thanks, everybody, for all your prayers! I’m definitely on the up and up :)

I thought Beijing was cold...

I thought wrong. Nürnberg is worse.

Hey there.

I'm back in the cyber world. I haven't been able to access blogger for the past two months.

China was a wonderful experience that I want to share with everyone, just not on a public blog.

My team and I are now back in nurnberg for the next week and then it's back to the castle in Herrnhut.

Check out my tumblr to see pictures and read a few updates:
missself.tumblr.com

I'll be updating this as well from now on.

Much love from Deutschland!

Fun in Nürnberg.

big o jet airliner... don't carry me too far away.

or do.
yes please.




as of monday, i:

• am M.I.A.
• gone for 2 months.
• won't exist in the blogging world.

i can't wait to get back and tell you what i've been doing. 

email me if you want updates!

adios amigos.

love,

me.

pride and fear

as usual, God has been working so much. i preached this week. yes, you read that correctly, i PREACHED yesterday. it was only about 10 minutes, but it was a message, and it was from God.

so. intense.

David Gava gave us the assignment to prepare a 10 minute message on the Kingdom of God and he told us that he would sporadically call on people. of course, he never did and on friday morning before he left he picked my friend Jessica. i was supposed to go second, but luckily he couldn't find me. so i've just been biding my time, thinking the leaders wouldn't keep calling on me, but wednesday they opened up the floor for anyone who felt they should go.

nobody went.

then caleb and lucy were pointing at me, and i knew that if someone didn't volunteer i would be on the chopping block.

so i stood up. and then thought to myself, what the hell did i just do?!

i prayed that the holy spirit would fill me up with the message and that i would just flow without thinking about what was going on. boy, did the holy spirit flow. i wasn't scared at all, and it was kind of an adrenaline rush! here's what i spoke about:

Matthew 13:44-46 the parable of the hidden treasure and the pearl. i read this, and new exactly what i wanted to say. both parables talk about selling all your possessions to obtain something really great. if the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure that it worth selling on all your belongings to buy it, why am i too afraid to get up in front of my peers to talk about the love of Jesus? we should be willing to lay down everything we have to obey God and do the work of the kingdom. not laying down my fears is just a form of pride, that i am too proud to swallow my fear an go for it. it's like saying God isn't good enough. we should be willing to follow Christ with reckless abandon.

this is the condensed version, but you get the drift. God has really been breaking me of my pride. James 4:10 - Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up.

i ended the whole she-bang with "...and that's all i have to say." it was weird because, i had one more point to make, but i was just done.

where's waldo? (for my momma)

this is where i live.
and these are the people i live with.

100 points to the person who finds me first!

it's been a while.

i recently realized how long it has been since i posted something worthwhile on here. the past two weeks have been an absolute whirlwind of emotions, learning, busyness, and God.

we had the privilege of hearing David Gava for not one, but two weeks. he spoke on the holy spirit and spiritual warfare. i have learned so much! it's absolutely incredible how when you open your heart to God how much he will continue to pour out his love and wisdom on you. all you need is willing heart, and God is guaranteed to show up in mighty ways.

the past two weeks have been a week of firsts for me. the Holy Spirit has been moving in such a mighty way. i've never experienced anything like it. we've been worshipping everyday as a community -- not just the dts, but all the base staff as well. the leadership felt that God was leading them into a season of worship because He had some new things to reveal to them through that. boy, did he reveal himself. i've been in worship where i've gotten caught up in all the hooplah, and that it NOT how this worship has been. there was more than one day where i did not feel like being there, and i didn't feel like God was there. however, when you show up and worship with all your heart regardless of what you 'feel' and regardless of what else is going on, God will show up. in the end, does it really matter though? God is always God -- and he is always good -- and he always deserves to be praised. He deserves to be praised in the good times as well as the bad. (and that's what we'll be doing in Heaven, so get ready!)

let's just start with tuesday november 15th. my heart was heavy, very heavy. i started crying during worship and i felt like i needed to pray for my family. after david spoke, i went to my room to just pray. i also felt like i was supposed to be fasting for an unrelated issue. there was just so much going on. luckily, my one-on-one got me a meeting with David for me to baptized int he Holy Spirit. (please don't get hung up on this, it was my choice and NOBODY told me i needed to, just to clarify.) i called my parents to make sure everything was ok, and it was... so i went to work duty and then met with David. in the meeting david prayed for me... and gave me a prophetic word. it was so encouraging and uplifting, i'm not going to type it all out, but i wrote it in my journal. one big thing was just about giving up my control and to quit trying to control my life. if i give up control, Jesus will continue to pour out His wisdom and understanding in me. when i told him i was southern baptist, he was SO EXCITED. he loves that the baptists are so grounded in the word and know the word of God so well. I know you all will love that!! :)

so the next week and a half went up from there. giving control to God and praying, seeking, and thirsting for more. this week also revealed to me a new mentor. she is one of the elders on the base and her name is lucy. she is a woman full of God's wisdom and discernment. she also gave me a word, on wednesday, along the same lines as david's, but more focused on thirsting for God, truly needing him, and finding my identity in him and not in the world.

...and now my brain is mush from trying to think about and process this more.
so there will be more soon. tomorrow.
for now i will leave you with this wonderful picture of me and a few of the roomies.



i cherish you all.
be blessed.

german peanut butter...

...is apparently american?!

a flag AND lady liberty... dream big.


*this week has been so emotional, i am not capable of writing a blog post. what's my way of remedying that? a funny post about nothing important at all.

love and miss you all.
happy friday.

i'm famous!

no. but really....

one of the guys here did a moving portrait project for critique night staring yours truly and seven other people.

check it out:

i swear i do more than skype and take pictures... i swear.

i have been so blessed by the speakers we've had throughout this DTS. i have learned so much and God has definitely changed my heart. so, as promised, here's a few thoughts:

- ebenezer and jehovah girah (spelling) they mean, God has provided and and God will provide. our speaker, Tim Heathco spoke on both of these names during a workshop. with ebenezer he encouraged us to commemorate the things that God has done and the revelations he's given us by something special, like a painting, song, picture, tattoo, etc. jehovah girah is a name to remind us of what he has already done as encouragement for what he will do. it was very interesting.

- conversion vs. discipleship. Tim also spoke on how important it is for us to disciple people. to live among them, meet them at their place in life and show them God's love through actions as opposed to 'turn or burn.' along the same lines, he challenged us with the term 'developing nations'. what is a developing nation to you? most likely, the most economically developed nations are what you're thinking about. what does God view as a developing nation? it probably has nothing to do with money, but the work it is doing for the Kingdom.

- the leader of the base, Jan Schlegal, spoke for a few days two weeks ago. he spoke on passion and the passion we have for our art and through our art for God. looking back on the past 8 weeks, i don't have much art to show for it. i was somewhat discouraged throughout his talks because it made me realize how lukewarm i am. i love photography, but i'm not really passionate about it... so what am i passionate about? i have no clue. this is nothing new for me, i feel like i've struggled with my identity and what i love since i graduated high school. it's discouraging because discovering my passions was one HUGE reason why i decided to do a DTS. this morning God gave me a revelation about that... He brought me here to work on my heart, not my art. You know what? i am so okay with that. i have learned so much about myself, and my heart, i know that the rest will come. i do love photography, but i think it's more of a hobby thing for me, not a professional thing. it is a wonderful outreach tool and it's wonderful to be able to record my story in a creative way, but i need to focus on Him and have a heart for Him before i can be passionate about anything else.

...and that's all you're getting today.

i've been getting so much mail, praise Jesus! i love mail so much. thanks to all of you who have been sending me pictures, encouragements, etc.

skype dates, halloween, and a short update.

i got to talk to granny...

...and joe. mom put him on speaker phone and we chatted for a few minutes...

mom had whataburger! someone send me whataburger NOW!

me and a roomie dressed up as kiss for a zombie party that we had on base.

there has been so much going on around here. i have been super busy and super lazy all at the same time. even though i don't stay up late, or do a lot in the evenings, sitting in lecture and going to meetings all day leaves me really tired mentally.

i have my outreach group so i've also been meeting with them. i can't write anything about that on here, but you are more than welcome to email and i can tell you a bit more, or talk to my parents. i'm very excited about my outreach group - i know God has so much in store for us and has a wonderful plan.

we've had two or three great speakers since i've written on here and i so wish i could write everything that i've been learning. THERE'S JUST SO MUCH!! i'm working on processing right now and i will update as i have time to write all the thoughts down.

i've been getting so much mail, praise Jesus! i love mail so much. thanks to all of you who have been sending me pictures, encouragements, etc.

i know i haven't been keeping in touch with everyone, and for that i sincerely apologize. 

i love you all.

I never knew...

...what fall looked like, until I moved to Germany.

"you make beautiful things. you make beautiful things out of love."

where to begin.

first of all, i know that should be a question mark and not a period on the title. i did it on purpose (grammar rebel, yea.)

secondly, i'm sick... at home... so i figured i should put my down time to good use and write a post.

no on to the 'good' stuff:
as i'm sure that you have noticed, i have had many revelations in the past 7 weeks about the character of God and his love for me as his child. i wish so much that i could put into words all the things that are bouncing around in my head just waiting to be processed, sorted through, and put into action. several hours a day, five days a week is quite a bit of information. i expected to go into a spiritual high when i came here, but thankfully that didn't happen. (i'm fairly sure that i'm immune to spiritual highs at this point in my life.) i have been changed in ways that i can never go back. there has been a shift in my heart that will never be shifted back. this is a new beginning for me.

me and two of my friends here have talked about what we're going to do after this DTS... i'm becoming daily more aware that it would be impossible to go back to my old life. i knew this would be a career move for me when i entered YWAM, i don't think that i realized what exactly that meant until recently. with the love of Christ come passion... how can you not be passionate about a God who loves as much as God does? passion on the other hand requires action.

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything i have commanded you. and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
-- Matthew 28:18-20

he didn't say go when you have all the money you need. he didn't say go until you get married. he didn't say go when the time is 'right'. What does that even mean, anyway?! he just said go. he also didn't say it had to be halfway around the world, or across the country, or just to the needy countries. i happen to believe that God has a specific place in his ministry for every single person. whether it be the one to support people in the needy nations, or the one to work with the kids who live across the street from you, or the one who is going into a war torn country to show people the hope they can have in Jesus. there is a place for everyone and all that you a required to do is ask him where, listen to his answer, and obey. it's that simple.

if you truly believe that God loves you just as much as he does his one and only son, which he does - he loves you just as you are HIS son or HIS daughter, then how can you NOT share that with everyone you come in contact with.

a preach all this to say, that i definitely feel like my life is headed in the direction of missions. do i know exactly where? no. do i know exactly what my life will look like after dts? no. do i have a plan? no. the only thing i know is this: DTS is just the beginning.

stay tuned.

short hair is so wonderful....

...until the day you start working on a mullet. the thought never crossed my mind that this is what would happen in the in-between stage of short and not short when you don't have a hairdresser available.

i believe that day was sometime in the last seven weeks.

please pray that God will make my hair grow fast. i have eight weeks of proof that he can do so much more than we can possibly imagine, so i have complete faith that if i pray about it, God will provide.
so pray pray pray my prayer warriors.

much thanks.

and good night.

hmmm...

pictures like this on my facebook newsfeed are not helping the homesick issues. 

Go God.

god is good, yea?

he is. i just want to share a few things that God is teaching me currently. i really wish that i could write everyday about these things, but honestly i rarely have time. it’s frustrating because i barely have to process what i need to internally, much less record it all for others to read about.

1. the unconditional love of christ.
2. worship
3. passion

the unconditional love of christ, is just that, unconditional. i should already know this. theoretically, you should only have to hear this once. however, i’m human, so give me a break. it’s wonderful to know that no matter what we do, whether we disobey, ignore, or hear God wrong he always loves us. if we fall, we fall right back into his arms and his love. this is wonderful news. no matter what, God loves us and is constantly seeking a relationship with us. he is seeking us out. he is chasing after us. he is the ultimate pursuer. can i get a amen? he is interested in the same things i’m interested in -- just like wanting to play solitaire with be. he wants to be where i am, doing whatever i’m doing with me.

worship. what is it? what does it look like? how do we do it? we haven’t had a speaker talk about this, but for a solid week this topic came up everyday. here’s what i’ve been learning. worship can be something that we do all day everyday, but i think that it goes deeper than that. yes, we can be in a constant state of prayer and conversation with God throughout the day, but worship is different than that. worship is praising God with everything in us. so many songs that we sing talk about how we need God to give us something, but that’s not worship. it is being completely enthralled by his presence that you can do nothing else but tell him how wonderful he his. you can doing but soak up his presence without questions or conversation. God wants this with us, but how often do we put him on the back burner, or clog up the whole process with things we need, or want.

lastly, passion. passion for God, passion for art, and how those two things fit perfectly together. passion is so important in life. passion for God should just come from knowing how much he loves and cares about you. seriously, the love of God is such an intimate thing - he wants to spend time with you, listen to gripe and complain, and just hold you. it's like he's the ultimate mate. oh wait, HE IS! holy smokes, i just had a revelation. how can you NOT be passionate about someone like that. passion for art is something a little bit different. it takes work. and i little bit of suffering. it requires that you give something up, like time. you sacrifice other things so you have time for the dark room or to go out and shoot. through that process you learn to love it more than ever. you discover that you enjoy giving up things so you can increasingly get better at what you love. when you get that passion, that passion it shows. it shows in your actions towards others, your art, your overall demeanor. people notice it. what better way to tell people about Jesus than them asking you why you are so joyous.


and this is just the tip of the iceberg.
stay tuned.